The True Impacts of It Ends With Us on the romance genre

Something is rotten in the state of romance. There’s something severely amiss with the modern standard being set of oversimplifying or even romanticizing manipulation and abuse, and it starts with Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel, It Ends With Us. The story has come into the limelight once again with its recent film adaption. The dramatic rise and subsequent fall of Colleen Hoover is one I’d like to scrutinize today to fully understand how her writing will impact the romance genre as a whole as well as society’s perception of romance. To do so, we need to understand why It Ends With Us was so popular and why it now receives so much backlash. 

I’d like to clarify before going in that this is an observation and explanation of the novel's decline in popularity. I also read It Ends With Us, and it wasn't my favorite. Despite all of this, I swear I will do my best to give an unbiased truth, and while I will do my best to be fair and open-minded, I’m not going to be going in-depth about a lot of the ‘good’ parts of the book. If that’s not your thing or if you’re just a really big CoHo fan keep in mind that I’m not saying whether or not the book is good, I’m just stating why people have started to dislike it.

Colleen Hoover was already making rounds in book clubs and such, but It Ends With Us is what really put her on the map. It was popularized for its unassuming exterior as a romcom that gave way to more intense topics, as well as its ‘readability’.  I even have a testimonial that a friend of mine who used to “hate reading” became an avid reader after reading this novel. So it clearly has a way of getting a hold over people. 

The opening hook states, “As I sit here with one foot on either side of the ledge, looking down from twelve stories above the streets of Boston, I can't help but think about suicide. Not my own. I like my life enough to want to see it through. I'm more focused on other people, and how they ultimately come to the decision to just end their own lives. Do they ever regret it?" This hook sets the scene of our protagonist monologuing about her contemplation of death. The protagonist Lily Blossom Bloom is written to be endearingly quirky and is characterized by her witty quips, creativity, and her eclectic habit of writing letters to Ellen DeGeneres. The novel flashes back and forth between Lily’s letters that depict a previous flame of her teenage years, Atlas, as well as her mother and father’s abusive relationship, and her current reality which revolves around opening her business and her new boyfriend Ryle who to Lily seems perfect. However, his lack of ability to control his anger escalates into him physically abusing Lily later in the novel. She eventually breaks up with him as the abuse continues, but then gets back together with him. As the novel goes on Lily is torn between one love interest and another, which is further complicated by her pregnancy. Eventually, Lily decides that she will divorce Ryle and share custody with him over their child. The novel closes on a hopeful note with all the characters finding some kind of resolution most prominently, the hint of a relationship to come between Lily and Atlas. 

So, what’s the problem? I mean, sure she’s not writing the next war and peace but it doesn’t seem like she’s trying to either, so no harm no foul? Unfortunately, this isn’t the case. The first flaw lies within Hoover explicitly choosing not to use trigger warnings. This is objectively done in bad taste considering the novel goes into explicit detail about the abuse both Lily and her mother endure and even has scenes bordering on SA. A trigger warning is necessary, and it’s out of the question to exclude one, even for the sake of the “plot twist”. Speaking of the said ‘plot twist’ it should have been obvious to readers from the beginning that Ryle was going to be abusive. From his introduction, he showed signs of being emotionally unstable, prone to violence, and driven by his baser instincts. He’s obsessive and aggressive, displays a strong lack of emotional control, and in Lily’s first meeting with him, he’s having a violent outburst. In Hoovers attempt at what appears to be foreshadowing, she ends up grossly oversimplifying the characteristics of an abuser. Worse, this is contained within the part of the novel where the reader, as well as Lily, is supposed to be put into the illusion of liking Ryle. 

Whether or not it was the author's intention it is indisputable that the book can romanticize unhealthy relationships in the eyes of readers which is a big issue that people point out in the book. Take a look at this passage from Gaby Nieves, “I completely fell in love with Ryle’s character. I mourned the loss of my own feelings towards him, realizing shortly after that this was exactly what Lily was feeling” (udreview.com). This was Nieves' reaction to seeing Ryle abuse Lily for the first time. Note that before Ryle ever lays a hand on Lily. he has already taken a photo of Lily and hung it on his wall after meeting her once, and within that meeting, he propositioned her for a one-night stand. For further emphasis, look at this quotation from Reddit user dmsewell, “god my heart is just breaking for Ryle. Yes again I know he’s abusive but I can’t help but feel bad that he’s going to watch Lily fall in love with someone she truly deserves” (Reddit.com). That’s a real thing that a real person said. I understand the intention behind forcing people to see how hard it could be to leave an abusive relationship. But, there has to be a way to open people to empathy for the abused without also allowing empathy for the abuser.

You could say, however, that romanticizing is an inference, but there is no question that Hoover at the least grossly oversimplifies abusive relationships. The most stand-out example of this derails its entire point by putting Lily in a prime situation to leave. Yes, she has the baby, and yes Ryle is manipulative and not a black-and-white villain, but what a lot of victims of abuse also struggle with is that their abuser cuts them off from what could be support pillars or ways out and also forces them to be financially dependent on them. It’s masked with affection and charm but the baser actions are still there. But, when Lily leaves, she’s a successful business owner who makes her own money and is poised to enter a relationship with another well-off business owner who says he will support her through leaving Ryle. Most victims of abuse return 7 times before finally leaving for good. Lily did so once before ending things permanently even then she agreed to share custody with him which is an objectively bad call. Abuse is complicated, and it’s different every time and the fact that she’s even considering letting her abuser near her children is insane. This undermines the reader’s understanding of how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship by painting it as a step-by-step process and not the mess of emotions and trauma and the years of emotional healing it takes to unravel. 

While there’s no arguing with the success of ‘It Ends With Us’, it’s also clear that the novel has stirred up an incredible amount of controversy. From its lack of trigger warnings, and simplification of abusive relationships to its uncomfortable and disturbing effect on readers, there’s no shortage of ways people can criticize ‘It Ends With Us’. While the novel has many shortcomings, its numbers speak for themselves, demonstrating that while not perfect Colleen Hoover certainly knows how to get an audience. She was able to tackle an issue that is rarely spoken of and very hard to fully encompass which is an achievement in it of itself. Abuse is an insanely important to address, but also an insanely complex topic and there’s probably no perfect story of abuse because it’s real life and it’s messy and sometimes there is no happy ending. With the book being made into a film adaptation, the story of It Ends With Us is more widespread and prominent than ever. With that, I want to leave you with a reminder to think critically when you read, watch, or consume any kind of content. Art is subjective and not to be taken at face value.